Doctor, take me away in your TARDIS from the Dalek that is known as the bleak holiday season.

Usually my first post after the Halloween season is a direct bash against the Xmas season..... and this post shall be no exception.

Yep.  It's that time of year when the darkness, snow and cold are attempted to be swept under the rug that is zealotry and commercialism.   When the daytime sky is usually a sad, sickly yellow as the sun is trying to shine, otherwise it is a bleak grey.  A time when those that have everything get even more and those that are just struggling to get by are reminded of what little they have.... mainly because of those that have more.  It's no surprise there's mass depression across the lands this time of year.

If you're one of the very few readers of this poorly written blog, this will all sound very familiar due to the fact that it is indicative of what I post every time around this year.  I usually point out all of the the things that suck about winter and the Xmas season and then go into a shallow little list of some of the geeky things that are coming up that we all have to look forward to.  So let me see what I can drum up.

We've already seen the release of the of the next generation of gaming systems that are morphing into full blown entertainment centers.  And this time around we haven't heard about many horrible glitches that usually plague the release of next gen gaming rigs.  At least we haven't heard of any yet.  Of course I'm waiting quite a while before I even think about buying the newest, shiny toys to make sure that all is up to snuff.... and I can win the lottery.

We also have the second Peter Jackson Hobbit opus, The Desolation of Smaug.  I thoroughly enjoyed the first one and absolutely loved his Lord of the Rings trilogy.  Early reviews for Smaug are saying it's even better than its predecessor.  So we have that going for us also.

Now let me get back to the main subject of the post.  Since Xmas is so crappy, I think it's time that we gave the fat man in red his walking papers and replaced him with a character that resembles true hope and happiness for the intergalactic masses.  For I bring forth the idea that we replace Santa Claus with Dr. Who.

For those that read this blog and have no idea what Dr. Who is all about, you may rather have more interest in visiting sites like THIS or THIS or THIS.  But, I'll still give a quick synopsis of what you need to know.

Dr. Who is a science fiction TV show out of England that just celebrated it's 50th anniversary.  It revolves around the exploits and adventures of a humanoid alien known simply as The Doctor.  The Doctor has been portrayed by twelve different actors. As one actor retires from the roll, the character "regenerates" into his new form with the new actor.   He travels both time and space in a vessel that looks like a English police phone box called a TARDIS (Time and Relative Dimension In Space).  The Doctor usually pick up a unwitting companion or two that end up traveling the galaxies and their histories and futures.  Doctor Who has always been a Sci-Fi institution, but it's popularity has grown to fanatical amounts lately, especially because of the 50th anniversary and the fact that current Dr. Who (Matt Smith) will leave the roll and regenerate into the next Doctor (Peter Capaldi) in a episode that will air Christmas day.  If you're still scratching your head, try and follow THIS LINK to help you out.

Now here is why I believe that we need to embrace The Doctor as the new harbinger of Xmas fantasy and joy.

1. The TARDIS can outrun, out maneuver and blow away Santa's sleigh and reindeer any day.  The spacecraft not only travels through space, but also through time.  This would alleviate any stress that is put on the reindeer as well as dealing with helping out with any time management logistics.
2. Although Santa does embody the spirit of Xmas as a sweet, cherubic octogenarian in a red suit that somewhat teaches the sprit of giving, The Doctor is equally docile and friendly in his message and incarnations.  He runs the adult age range gamut from early twenties to late sixties, depending on which regenerated form you like, which appeals to more age groups.
3. Dr. Who is the savior of many galaxies and histories while at the same time evil doers fear him. Even though he is not a violent being he is able to harness great power through his intellect and smarts.  Santa has the whole "I'm going to give the bad people coal" schtick.  But, when was the last time you heard that some vile CEO of a huge, monopolistic company got coal for Xmas.  Obviously Santa is missing the mark on the greedy folk out there.
4. Bow ties are cool.
5. Fez's are cool.
6. Celery lapel pins are cool.
7. Multicolor scarves are cool.
8. Santa hats, decidedly uncool.

Ok.  I think that that is a good enough argument on the subject.  Now we have to decide how we are going to handle letting go of Santa.  We could do it the way companies did it way back in the day when someone would retire and the company truly appreciated the person's work and gave them a party, a gold watch and a decent enough retirement package.  Or we could do it the way corporations do it today with two security guards escorting him out to the cold ground of the street, with no retirement package to speak of, to live the rest of his life under the care of social services.  That will be something we'll have to mull over for a while.

Before I leave you and venture off into the cold dark snowy winter night I'll leave you with some fun little Xmas gifts.  The first is something for true Dr. Who fans.  Not many of you who don't follow the Doctor will appreciate this, but those that do will enjoy the 32 minute inside joke that is the Five(ish) Doctors.  Follow the link HERE to enjoy.

For those of you just not getting it.  Here's some Rock 'N' Frackin' Roll!!!!

That will be all for now.  I hope you all are able to tear yourselves out of the Xmas slump and enjoy the true reason for the season of being with family and friends and those we all care about while raisin up a frothy cold one to those who are no longer with us.

Cheers and happy Doctor Regeneration Day!

 Zangz.

Happy All Hallows Eve!

A dark and gloomy light fog laid over my hometown all day today.  The sun didn't peek out once leaving the gray skies a foreboding sight.  There was a feeling in the air that made me a bit paranoid.  As if many sets of eyes were keeping tabs on me.  It chilled me to the bone.

Though I was creeped out, I understood the reason for the oddities that seemed to follow me throughout the day.  Today is October 30th.  All Hallows Eve, also known as Devil's Night to a few.  It is the night before Halloween.  The time when the worlds of reality and the unknown are the closest.

When Halloween and All Hallows Eve end up in the middle of the week, it is always kind of a bummer.  Most of the Halloween hi-jinx have been celebrated the weekend before.  There's not a lot to do to celebrate Halloween in the middle of the week.

One of the most disappointing things about Halloween occurring during the week is that many of the Haunted Attractions have already shut down for the year.  Sure there may be a few who are smart enough to be open this Thursday, Friday and Saturday.  But, they are far and few between.

It takes a heck of a lot to put together a big show like that.  It would be only beneficial to open for a few more nights and make some more money.  With all of the planning, building and logistics it takes to pull off a Haunted Attraction year after year, you'd think that they'd want to pull in as much coin as they possibly could in a season.

How much work does it take to make a Haunt come to unlife?  Take a look at this behind the scenes video of a really great haunt.

It features the planning and building of a Haunt in an old brewery form a few years back.  The Haunted Lemp Brewery  in St. Louis, MO has become one of the best Haunted Attractions in the U.S.

That shall be all for another season of macabre and strange.  So, tomorrow when you get that uneasy feeling of unseen eyes watching you every move, waiting for the right time to pounce, just tell yourself, "It's only just one more day".

Have a happy and safe Halloween!

Stay vertical.

Zangz.

Another Ghoulish Gem I had Almost Forgot About. How Could I?

At the end of 2012's Halloween season, my family got together for our annual Halloween diner.  After we finished the meal and put my niece to bed, we gathered in the living room, lit candles, turned the lights off and watched this movie, The Woman In Black.  It scared the crap out of all of us!  I was going to post about it on my blog, but Halloween was coming to an end and I never gave myself a chance.  Skyfall was right around the corner and I was putting all of my movie viewing excitement into the next James Bond opus.

I watched The Woman In Black again yesterday and realized I never reviewed it here and what a crime and mistake that had been.  Especially since I'm the kind of Horror fan that is verry drawn to a real good and creepy ghost story.  And boy, does The Woman In Black deliver in that department.

I love movies like, The Sixth Sense, The Others, and Ghost Story.  Heck, I even love the more cheesy ones like House on Haunted Hill and The Haunting.  There's something about the stories of spirits haunting the living that I appreciate slightly more than the tried and true, axe wielding homicidal maniac chasing a bunch of horny teens around in the wilderness.  I'm always looking for the next chilling fright rather than the next blood, guts and severed head fiesta.  Chilling freights are the focal point of this Edwardian ghost story has to offer.

Based off of the book and play by Susan Hill, the story follows a young widower as he is assigned by his law firm to go a creepy old mansion in an old town on the coast of England to take care of the paperwork of the recently passed owner.  What the young lawyer, Arthur Kipps (Played by Daniel Radcliffe) eventually finds out is that the town is cursed and the mansion is haunted by the ghost of an angry spirit of a woman who lost her child in the muck of the nearby bog.

I wont give away the whole story, but I will tell you that this was one of the creepiest movies I have seen and absolutely love it for that sole reason.

Here are four reasons why this movie has a high level of creep-factor going for it.

1.  It takes place in Edwardian England.  Both the Edwardian and Victorian times are just creepy in general. You had people dressed in back all the time.  Spiritualism and the first signs of paranormal investigations were hugely popular in those days.  You look back at photos from those eras and everybody in them looks unnervingly stoic like their eyes are piercing the viewers soul.

2.  The setting is quite unsettling.  First you have this small, crusty township of frightened and seemingly superstitious folks.  Then you have the huge, Victorian mansion itself, sitting in the middle of a seaside bog where the tide comes in at night and blocks off the only small road leading in and out of the property.  The mansion also sports its own family burial ground upon its property.  And don't all old Victorian English manors have their own cemetery?  I'm pretty sure it's a law in the UK.

3.  Ghostly children and their creepy old time toys.  Again, I won't go too far into the story but, yes, there are a few ghost children in the film and ghost children are always creepy.  Whether it be two twins staring at you in a hallway or some girl crawling her way out of a well, they scare the livin' bajeesus out of everybody.  And I don't think I have to even start on the creepy old, wind up dolls that go off for no reason whatsoever.  Monkey with the symbols, anyone?

4.  The Lady In Black herself.  The Grand Dame of this ghost tale is pretty simplistic in looks, but can still give viewers night terrors.  When a pale woman shrouded in a mourning dress is viewed out of the corner of one's eye and then disappears, don't tell me that it's not enough to crap your pants a little bit.  Of course the writers and director make sure she has some great pop-out moments that had the hairs on the back of my neck shoot straight up.  And I don't use that term as a euphemism, that physically happened.  It's science!

So if you're looking for a real good horror film this spooky season that truly scares you and you don't want to be grossed out, The Woman In Black is definitely Halloween viewing material.  Especially with candles and pumpkins being lit as you only light source.  You'll have nightmares for weeks.

In other Halloween happenings, some friends and I went on a moonlight ghost tour of downtown Milwaukee last night.  We went last year, but we were hit with a downpour of rain that blew sideways and destroyed the umbrella I had brought.  So we decided to give it another try this year with far better results.  We didn't see any ghosts, but did hear of the old ghostly folklore of the Haunted Pfister Hotel where Joey Laurence as well as a few professional sports players got spooked. Another particular eerie story involved an woman shrouded in black (familiar?) who haunts the outside of an old church in downtown Milwaukee.  A fun, if not chill filled evening was had by all.  If you're in the Milwaukee area during the Halloween season and want to go on the tour.  click here for more information.

And in tradition before I end this post here is another walkthrough of a haunted attractions called Reign of Terror located in Thousand Oaks, CA.  This is last years show.  Pretty impressive!

Them Park Adventure on YouTube

That's it for now.  I'll try and find more Halloween high-jinx I can drum up or get myself into in the coming weeks.  Stay tuned and stay vertical.

Zangz.

More Haunts Have Been Visited.... more pants have been moistened.

We're smack dab in the middle of Halloween season.  It always goes by too fracking fast for me.  I'd like to savor this season, but, that is quite difficult with work being so busy.  I find myself both mentally and physically exhausted when I get home from work.  The weekends seem to be my only time for solace.  Well, if you consider seeking out the living dead and infiltrator their domains a form of solace.

That's just what I did as I dragged my buddies Bones and Roberto to a couple more haunted attractions this weekend.

After trying to get out of work as early as I could on Friday I stormed down the freeway and picked up Bones.  Then the two of us headed west, toward Roberto's headquarters, during Friday afternoon rush hour.  This gave us a good hour's worth of heavy traffic travel time.  So I decided to pass the time by playing Bones one of my all time favorite, true ghost stories that I heard off of one of the Nerdist Podcast.

If you want to give yourself the chills go to HERE.  It's the second part of the show.  The first part features the famed astrophysicist, Neil deGrasse Tyson.  Feel free to listen to his portion of the show, but, if you want to get straight to the creepiness, forward to about 53 minutes in.  It is there where film director, Liam Lynch, spins a true tale of pure ghostly goodness involving his time living in a very old apartment building in England.  Be sure that you are alone and the lights are down low and you have at least one Jack-O-Lantern lit in the room.

Back to the haunts!  After some laborious traffic, Bones and I found ourselves at Roberto's where the three of us gathered and readied our ghoul fighting gear (warm jackets and sweaters and enough cash for two haunts and some dinner afterward.).  The three of us jumped into the Roberto mobile and headed over to the next county where we first visited......


Terror @ 212 - Formally called "Haunted High presents Terror @ 212" this reboot of the old Oconomowoc Haunted High attraction (that has since been torn down) was a very pleasant surprise.  I did a review of the old Haunted High last year.  Having lost the old high school building to development projects, the organizers secured a business building right in the downtown area of Oconomowoc.  The outside of it doesn't look that big, but the amount of freights they put inside is quite impressive.  In fact, it feels far more intimate than when they ran it in the old high school building.  The high school had a lot of large open spaces, but the new haunt is a lot of narrow hallways that wind around wonderful scenes, effects and tableau's.  The scare-actors, though young, put on a darn good show.  One of the best things is that it's pretty much a whole new show and experience which tore itself away from the repetitiveness that the Haunted High was starting to get into.  Definitely worth checking out if you're in southeastern Wisconsin.

Fin and Feather Haunted Woods - After 212, we darted down a very long and very dark road.  At one point we thought we took a wrong turn and were lost in the dark countryside.  But, we pressed on down the road were we barley noticed the sign to the entrance of the Fin and Feather outdoor club.  For the last several years these folks have been putting on a great haunted trail attraction that tends to be a bit of a sleeper hit and word of mouth haunt.  This year was one of it's best and most interactive as I found out the hard way.  It starts with a very dark trail dimly lit by strands of lights on each side and creepy eyes peering at you from the wooded darkness.  This leads you up to a huge castle that you go through while trying to avoid the creatures within.  After you escape the castle you're back in the dark woods winding you way through the darkness and trying hard not to wet yourself as chainsaw wielding mad men sneak up on you.  I don't want to give too much away, but I will tell you of my personal journey into dark madness.

Toward the end of the haunt we were ushered into a building that housed one of the darkest mazes we had to go through.  At first the three of us were venturing through it pretty well until we reached what appeared to be a dead end.  I was at the front of the group at that point and told the other two, that we needed to head back the way we came.  At that point we heard a ghastly, female voice from out of the darkness mock us.  We started to head back the way we came with Roberto in the front.  We reached another dead end.  This time two female voices started to chastise us.  They were very close by, but we couldn't see anything.  Between the three of us calling to each other back and forth, the seemingly disembodied voices caught on to our names and started calling out to us.  I felt my way along the walls and managed to pass by Bones and Roberto.  Roberto was right behind me.  I called out to him to grab on to me as I led the way.  I was expecting him to gab on to the back of my sweater.  Instead I felt a hand grab my own as I moved forward to find us a way out.  I called out to Roberto again and was surprised to hear his voice was far behind me.  Too far for his hand to still be in mine.  I should have realized, Roberto would have never emasculated himself by holding my hand.  I also should have realized that Roberto's hands were mysteriously Palmolive soft.  It was then one of the voices revealed itself to be right next to me and was the hand that was holding mine.  It was a scene right out of an episode of Scooby-Doo.  Then another voice was right in front of me.  Then a third voice appeared right next to me.  I heard Rob and Bone's voices well ahead of me now and it sounded like they had found their way out of the maze.  I was alone in the dark, trapped by three specters who held me there for a spell.  After tolerating a bit more of their chastising, they led me out of the maze to the end of the attraction. 

The three ghouls were actual three lovely scare-actresses whole were nice enough to pose for a picture with me after my escape from their clutches.  Excellent job, ladies!!!

Well, I think that will be it for this post.  I still have a few spooktastic treats up my sleeves for this season.

In the meantime, please, stay vertical!

Zangz.

It was a dark and stormy night........

And it truly was a dark and stormy night the evening me and my buddy, Bones, took to the road and headed north, out of town and toward the small burg called Hartford.  While I was at the wheel, Bones acted as my navigator, helping me read off of the maps app on my phone.

As we flew up the freeway the skies grew darker and at one point Bones remarked, "Look over that way!" He pointed just northwest of the freeway.  "The clouds are super dark over there."

Sure enough, amongst the murky gray clouds that had already spread across the entire sky that day, there was a big blotch of pure black sky just looming and waiting to burst into a nasty rain storm.

"Great. That's just where we are headed." I replied with a tinge of displeasure in my voice.

After dealing with a particular tricky round-a-bout (I frackin' hate those things) we found ourselves driving right into the thick of the black clouded mass, toward downtown Hartford, Wisconsin.

The torrential downpour started just as we were entering the small township.  Visibility was slim to nil and we still had to find the cross street to our first destination.  I didn't have the map app zoomed in enough, but I wasn't concerned since there usually was a big, blinking, light-up sign helping direct us to our destination so no one would miss it, but this year it wasn't where it usually was and we ended up turning on the street before the one we were supposed to use.

This was less than beneficial, since the forefathers of the small town decided to design the roads in a manner making it quite difficult to make a right hand turn to where we needed to go.  The rain was falling harder and harder, pelting against the car windows so that it was still hard to see even though I had the wipers on the "super-friggin'-fast" mode.

After a u-turn, we found a small alleyway that miraculously led us right up to our first place of interest we wanted to visit tonight.  I parked, but we found ourselves trapped in the car for the time being as gallons upon gallons of rainwater throttled down against the ground from the dark skies above.

Now what possible places in this town known as Hartford were we so anxious to visit that we would traverse a nasty weather system while driving, you may ask?

For myself, being a fine connoisseur of Haunted Attractions, the answer is simple.  The town of Hartford is easily one of the big hot spots when it comes to a couple of the finest Haunts that haunt enthusiasts can visit during the October season.

Both Terror on Rural Street, as well as The Hartford JC's Haunted House, were always among my favorite visits during Halloween.  It had been a couple years since I last visited them and this time I brought my old chum, Bones, along since he has shown an interest in visiting haunts with me in recent years.

Our patience paid off as the rain slowed and then completely stopped in a short amount of time, allowing us to get out and visit the first haunt of the evening......


Terror On Rural Street - Upon entering the realm of Terror on Rural Street we were greeted with a fenced off graveyard with a sign overhead reading, "No Safehaven".  Once we got our tickets and our numbers were called we made our way past the graveyard to a facade of a dilapidated building.  We went through the doors and inside to find... another facade of another dilapidated building.  Double creep-tastic!  Since we had gotten there earlier in the evening, we were the only ones in the line and we went in shortly after the patented safety spiel had been read to us.

The door to the main haunt opened by itself ushering us into the world of dark madness.  The theme of this year's show seemed to fall into the category of old sanitarium where mad doctors made unnecessary experiments on the already dangerously troubled inmates.  During our journey we passed a couple of old souls trapped behind bars, pleading for their freedom as well as long forgotten corpses of patients past who would suddenly become reanimated and shake in their chains.

There were a couple of stand out rooms for me.  There was one room where a mad doctor had a poor patient strapped to a slab where a giant scythe-like pendulum sliced too and fro, slicing him in two through his stomach.  Of course the victim is very much alive and pleading for help that will never come.  The best thing is you may leave a little more moist from when you entered the room.  And it won't be your bodily functions you have to worry about.  Bruahahaha.

Then there is the the hallway where a spooky young girl lurks.  Not only do you have to avoid her you also have to keep your senses in check as the hallway appears to alter and bend.  This is a really cool effect!  There's also the room of many doors that you will easily get lost in.

As in years past, Terror on Rural Street keeps its top notch quality while delivering the scares!  Bones was pretty impressed also.

The Hartford JC's Haunted House  - Down the road from our last haunt is Fireman's Park.  To get there we had to drive up a dark, winding, heavily wooded road.  Once out of the wooded area we were in a parking lot of a nice and seemingly safe little park.

All feelings of that safety left us as the spooky farm house, looming in the park caught our attention.  We bought our tickets and waited in a musty old barn until they called out ticked numbers.  We then waited a little more in a tent just outside of the old farmhouse.  After a few visitors left their seats to travel into the unknown, it was finally our turn.  Bones had me take the lead, as he usually does.  If the creatures within the creepy wooded trail leading up the the entrance of the house was any indication of the creatures waiting for us on the inside, we were in for a treat.

The main highlight of this haunt was the combination of dramatics and interactivity that visitors will experience.  Many of the ghouls that dwell within have a bit of a story-line and dialog that we were entertained by.  In one my buddy, Bones, had to go on a ghoulish game show where he had to pick the right door for us to go through.  In another room a female spook was not so happy that I was intruding within her eerie little wooded area and then did not want me to leave.  She found a interesting way to block me from moving on into the next area, but I will not go into detail.  Suffice it to say her undead friend that was trying to shamble its way out of the wall wasn't much amused with me either.

If you are a lover of pirates and pirate lore, you'll love a good portion of this haunt as the conclusion of the haunt is dedicated to them.

I'd be remiss to also mention that the attention to detail of the scenery and sets was so intricate that I found myself trying to take in as much of it as I could while the scare-actors were up in my face putting on the scare.  It was pretty challenging.

This haunt has come such a long, long way from its inception that it competes with a lot of the bigger, more popular haunts around the Southeastern Wisconsin area.

After Bones and I had an evening of challenging the forces of the unknown, we treated ourselves to some BBQ ribs and a couple of tasty IPA's as a reward.  As always, a good time was had by all!

I'm hoping I may have a couple more haunt reviews here next week as well.  We'll see what we can do.  I do know that I'll be going on a local ghost tour that I had gone on before, but was sullied by a rain storm.  So I want to give it another shot.  So next weekend is looking to be another spooktacular one.  Knock on old coffin wood.


Now for another walk through a virtual haunted attraction from YouTube.  Many theme parks have gotten in the habit of taking advantage of the Halloween and Haunt season by redesigning their parks with a haunted motif.  Knottsberry Farms is no exception as they invoke all sorts of dastardly creatures to infiltrate their park.  Take a peek here.....

Video is from Theme Park Adventure

I'd like to leave you with these comforting thoughts.  That cackle you heard outside your home late at night was surely some sort of rare bird.  The scratching sound from under your bed that awakens you from your slumber?  I'm sure that's just some sort of cricket.  That cold spot in you home?  I wouldn't be surprised if you had some ventilation problems.  

Or perhaps I'm completely ass-backward wrong on all accounts and you better get an exorcist or ghost hunting crew over to your abode ASAP 'cause you're screwed!!!!

Until next time, stay vertical.

Zangz.

The Arrival of the Magic of the Macabre.

It comes earlier and earlier every year.  

The orange and black displays pop up in stores, the spicy lagers hit the shelves of the wine and spirit shops, and Jack O Lanterns appear in windows and on doorsteps all over local townships.  I have no problem with this ghoulish holiday making an early appearance.  It doesn't seem to be as intrusive as the Chistmas holiday is when it is crammed up into our psyche holes beginning as early as September.

I have no problem with Halloween poking its head through the curtain as early as late August.  Halloween is the time of year when the realms of reality are closest to the netherworld.  It's when true magic whafts it way throughought the air, disguising itself with the scents of spices and leaves.  It is when creativity and imagination take a macabre turn filling our eyes with wonderfull oddities.

I try as hard as I can to envelope myself into the season every year.  But, as I grow older I find it harder and harder to achieve that goal.  Being single, middle aged and on a budget tends to put a few roadblocks in the merriment that I used to freely have several years back.

The economy isn't what it used to be.  The greed machine has made sure the cost of living has risen to a ridiculous rate while a good amount of us no longer get "cost of living raises", or in some cases, yearly raises.  So going to a whole slew of Haunted Attractions and Halloween activities has to be cut down considerably.

There was a time when getting a group of single folks to join me on an excursion to a local haunt was pretty easy.  Now most folks are married with kids and trying to wrangle sitters and organize time frames with busy lifestyles are usually some major motivational killers.

Fear not, loyal followers (of which there are probably three of you) I'm not quite throwing in the towel yet.  I still find ways to enjoy the season.  Last year I started a new tradition in visiting a very beautiful and historic cemetery located in my hometown.  I did a fun little post about it and just yesterday made the pilgrimage to wander amongst the wonderfully gothic stonework.  It may seem an odd enjoyment within a timeframe in my life when there are currently many reminders of human mortality that have taken place recently, but I find sollace and peace in the macabre sometimes.

Another yearly tradition I take part in is filling my video rental queue full of horror movies.  I've already viewed a few of them and feel that there are a couple that I would like to let you all know about and spread the good word on.  So here are a couple of reviews....

Cabin in the Woods - I can't say it enough, Joss Whedon is a geek god.  His writing has always been character driven and beyond clever.  His venture into the horror genre is no different in this "not as typical as you may think" scare-fest.  It certainly starts out as though it may be mundane.  A group of model looking young adults go on a weekend trip out to a cabin in the woods to party.  But, there is far more to this cabin than meets the eye.  Without giving too much away (there are some pretty awesome plots twists!) I'll say this about the film.  It has an awful lot that us horror fans love about horror movies.  It has physcho-killer zombies, creepy atmosphere, tons of guts and blood and something far more sinister behind all of the deadly shenanigans.  I didn't really know what to expect going into the film with what was seemingly another motif of a bunch of good looking kids getting needlessly slaughtered.  But, I should have known that with Saint Joss at the writing helm, all would be well.  He certainly puts all of the pieces together and by the end of the film I realized that he wove an epic tale of Lovecraftian horror.  Definitely check this one out!

American Mary - Don't go into this macabre tale expecting ghosts or psychotics with axes or even demons from hell lurking about.  This dark tale of woe is a completely different kind of horror that features the exploration into the depth of human corruption.  How far down the twisted rabbit hole does a bright, young, attractive med student go to seek revenge and power within the underworlds of crime and the subculture of body modification.  Disturbingly bloody, while at the same time, a very smart and refreshing story is being told.  Sexy, smart and fiendish is what the wonderful Soska twins dish up.  This movie was the natural step from their smaller independent foray into blood, guts and dark humor  that was Dead Hooker in a Trunk.  They're already full bore into directing a horror film for the folks at WWE.  I really can't wait to see what the dark little minds of the Twisted Twins can come up with after this.

That's it for the movie reviews.  If I see some other good stuff, I'll let you all know.


Well, our first little trip into the dark season isn't quite over as of yet.  Last year I started to post walkthroughs of some pretty spectacular haunted attractions from YouTube.  I have quite a dosey for you this time.  Being a headbanger, I was thrilled to hear that Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights have put together a haunt based on the band Black Sabbath! And now here's a little peek inside the minds of the first Heavy Metal band to ever exist.

Hope you enjoyed your trip down the path of The Devil's 3rd!

Hopefully it should prove to be a delightfully dark Halloween season around here in my blog.  I may have a couple of Haunt reviews for you next week.  So keep tuned.  

Until next time, stay vertical!

Zangz.

Just what the frack do we know about Ep. VII? Not a frell of a lot.

SWVII??????

A mega-busy and mostly great summer is almost at an end.  The last couple of weeks have been pretty heavy handed for me, but the ever so slight hints of my favorite season are popping up here and there and my inspirational imagination meter is starting to recharge. Once it's fully recharged I can deliver some wicked geek frenzy damage.  I need to escape reality for a while.

I found myself pondering what might be in store for us with the next Star Wars movie.  I woke up this morning and found myself popping Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of the Clones into my DVD player and as the film unfolded I couldn't help but wonder what the Disney and Lucasfilm folks are cooking up behind those huge, metal, chained up locked doors for the next chapter in the grand science fantasy opus.

It's surprising how very little we know so far for a film that is supposed to be released within two years.  Especially while we currently exist within this time frame of Facebook, Twitter and blogs.

As I recall while they were making the prequels we were inundated with hundreds of facts as well as rumors as to what secrets George and the gang were trying to hide from us.  I guess Disney has a far better defense plan laid out than even Lucasfilm had in its heyday.

Here's what little I know so far, rumors and facts alike.

• No official title has has been given outside of "Star Wars, Episode VII".  I suggest "Blue Harvest 2: The Return of Blue Harvest".  Or how about "Revenge of the Blue Harvest"?  Blue Harvest Vs. Sharknado"?
• Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford have all been asked to reprise their rolls as Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia and Han Solo.  While Fisher and Hamill have both hinted that they will be involved, Ford is keeping a bit mum on if he'll be in the sequels.  Is he still holding out on Disney?  We'd all love to see Solo back in the Falcon.
• Rumors of others being cast include Jonathan Rhys Meyers (from The Tudors), Dominic Monaghan (from Lord of the Rings and Lost), Zac Efron (from Disney's High School Musical), Ryan Gosling (from Drive) and Florence Welch (from the band Florence and the Machine).

Rumors or truth here's my take on this possible castings.  Myers would make a great villain!  His Henry the Eighth in The Tudors was both despicable and dangerous with a hint of humanity about him.  

Who doesn't love Monaghan?  The guy drips with geek coolness!  I'd love to see him in a Star Wars role.

Ryan Gosling I've never really paid much attention to unfortunately.  Outside of the movie Drive, where he played a stoic and angry character, he's never come within my radar of appreciation.  Sure.  Fine.  Let's cast him and see what he can do.

I've never been a big fan of casting pretty boys just for the sole sake of getting the little girls all hot and bothered.  That's why I'm pretty uneasy with casting Zac Efron in a major role.  I find it ironic that the Twitterverse has had a major meltdown last week when Ben Afflek was cast as the new Batman, yet the rumor of placing Efron into a major Star Wars role doesn't make any waves at all.  Afflek will make a fine and formidable Batman.  But, I'm not sure having a teen heartthrob in a Star Wars role will be a great decision. Outside of a marketing move that might sell more tickets at the expense of quality, I don't see it as a good idea.

Florence Welch certainly has a good set of pipes on her as well as a strong, classic beauty.  Her look could either serve as an adventurous Jedi or foreboding Dark Force user.  I know she has yet to show her acting chops on film as of yet.  It will be interesting to see if her casting is true and what roll she may play.

Let's continue with what we may or may not know, shall we?

• Obviously we know that the next three sequels will take place thirty to forty years after the battle of Endor which occurred at the end of Return of the Jedi and may focus on the Skywalker and Solo children.  The offspring of the heroes of the original trilogy have become major characters in the literature of the expanded universe.  It is unclear if they plan to fully acknowledge the characters and happenings in these books.  After all (spoiler alert!) the Star Wars universe was nearly destroyed by the alien forces of the Yuuzahn Vong and I'm doubting that storyline will be put into play for the sequels.
• The script is being written by academy award winner Michael Arndt (Toy Story 3, Little Miss Sunshine) from an outline scripted by Star Wars creator George Lucas and will be produced by Disney's Kathleen Kennedy.  Good move.  Keep the original soul of the series by using Lucas as a advisor and have a writer that really gets character development.
• Supposedly, Emperor Palpintine, Obi-wan Kenobi and possibly Anikin Skywalker may return as Force Ghosts.  At this point there's a 50 / 50 chance of that happening.  For some reason I see them going with all new characters and won't try and drudge up too much of the past.  I could see maybe a Force Ghost or two popping up within the sequels.  But, I don't think they will be bringing back every Tom, Dick or Harry of anybody in the past movies who had a connection to the force and is now demised.
• John Williams will be back to write the score. This is probably the only actual fact that has been confirmed so far and a very welcome one at that!

That's about it.  Disney is keeping a pretty tight lip on anything else that may be going on.  Now here's a few things I'd like to see in the next Star Wars movie.

• First and foremost, I want there to be a cool as heck, creepy and wicked Sith Lord or at least Dark Force user to be one of the main villains.  Someone brand spanking new.  Someone who is so scary he or she would make little children cry.  Darth Maul was pretty darn close, but he ended up being just a henchman that had about a total of 15 minutes screen time.  LET'S BRING THE EVIL!!!!
• If they're not going to use too much of Han Solo, I'd like there to be another, new character who has that same kind of swashbuckling, rouge-like, dry humored personality.  This kind of character was all but ignored in the prequels and would be more than welcomed in the sequels.
• Speaking of humor, a lot of it was dry, sarcastic and actually funny in the original trilogy.  The prequels' humor was geared strictly to little children in a sad and pathetic slapstick kind of way.  Lets get back to the quotes and cracks that were geared to not just children, but adults as well.
• Keep some of the mainstays of the Star Wars films.  I want to see the opening crawl in yellow font against the stars.  I want there to be multiple planets they visit, each with their own geography and weather system.  I want there to be that feeling of pulp.  I want to feel like I've come home when I see the next few films.
• I don't want them to rely on 95% of green screen and CGI.  I want to see some actual sets built on actual sound stages and locale shooting fercrisakes!

As the time for the release of the new Star Wars sequels grow closer and closer I'm sure more and more info will leak out, but I'm starting to get impatient.  I'm starting to get that jones I got back when they were making the prequels and the slightest on set photo of anything, even a plant arrangement on the set, would throw me into a mad tizzy of happiness and joy.

In the meantime, maybe the people from Disney should take this guy's Star Wars story into consideration during the scriptwriting process.  The greatest filibuster ever depicted on TV!  So I'll end this with Patton Oswalt's mad, wonderful genius!

Of course things here in this blog will slowly start to get creepy, spooky and downright macabre as the Halloween season approaches.  So keep tuned and I may just be inspired enough to post more.

Until next time, stay vertical!

Zangz.

Boldly Going Where They've Kinda Gone Before in an Altered Parallel Universe, Somewhat Annoyingly, but Overall Enjoyably...

What follows is quasi-spoilerific review of Star Trek: Into Darkness.  It's near impossible to do a review of the movie without a good dose of hints that could be viewed as spoilers.  So it is advised if you don't want any of the story-line spoiled for you, come back and read this post after you have seen the film.

You have been warned!

Here we go.

STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS:

Before I get into the issues I had with the film, it is important to note that I really did enjoy this film.  I found it a fast paced action, sci-fi romp with lots of effects that will keep you at the edge of your seat to the very end.  All of the actors involved give great performances with what they've been given.  The action pieces are well choreographed and thrilling and I hope it's not another four years until the next one.

Having said all of that, there were some things that did bug me about the story.  I can only imagine that they probably cheesed off a lot of die hard Star Trek fans as well.

The story follows the crew of the USS Enterprise as they try and hunt down an ex Star Fleet officer who is causing terrorist attacks against the organization and the world.

I've always been more of a Star Wars guy myself, but I always enjoyed and respected the Star Trek canon.  When the first J. J. Abrams' Star Trek movie came out and not only rebooted the movie series, it also realigned the whole Star Trek universe, I applauded the efforts and enjoyed the hell out of this first film.  You can read my review HERE.

That movie truly made me want more as soon as possible.  Abrams had created a whole new, fresh Star Trek galaxy to play with in future films by creating a storyline that involved a parallel universe slightly different than the one in the shows and films that had come before.  I always thought that this was a great way to create an open canvas to push forward more original Star Trek stories.

I guess I was a bit wrong in that assumption.  What they've done with Darkness is pulled from and retread an old, classic Star Trek story that could very well be considered one of the Holy Grails of all Star Trek stories.  After my initial viewing I think it could have been handled a little better.

There is one particular scene that was ripped right from the original source material that I'm sure the writers thought would be an excellent nod and homage to its predecessor.  Instead of giving it a whole new, fresh view, they take it almost word for word, with roles being reversed.  The scene is too quick and comes off as though they were intentionally trying to be cutsey and cleaver.  Instead, I felt it undermined the original scene while not carrying the same weight.  It could be argued that the writers were trying to simply placate Trekkie's.  I think they may have pissed them off more so.  I'm not even a Trekkie, and the scene made even me a little uneasy and queasy.

What's even worse is the scene is concluded with one line that is uttered that hearkens back to that embarrassing scene from Revenge of the Sith where Vader rises from the surgery table for the first time dressed fully in the black garb and shrieks....."NOOOOOOOOO!"  Yep.  It could be argued as being that bad.  It really didn't need to be in there.

The movie is also filled with a plethora of plot holes.  If I bring them up it may spoil the story for some, but I will give a brief example.  Both Klingon's and a Tribble are in this movie. Even though the Klingon's are part of a big, cool as hell, action sequence, their reason for being in the the story is never really satisfyingly revealed.  The Tribble's existence in this film seems more as a quick cameo until it plays an "important" part in saving a crew member.  Although it doesn't come off as being "important" as it does a last minute story idea to paint the writers out of a corner they may have painted themselves into towards the end of the movie.

The characters we all fell in love with in the first movie are all present and equally represented as they were in the first.  Others have more to do in this one, but they all have their moments, keeping in mind that the characterization that we saw in the first flick is given way to fast action and grand set pieces.

Admittedly, I'm not usually this critical about genre films. Hell, I'm the kind of geek who you could plop down in front of some film of non-stop explosions and I'd be as happy as a dullard clam.  But, something slightly irked me with this film.  I really wanted this one to be every bit as good, in more ways than being just a good action movie, than the first.

I honestly wasn't bothered by the way the original history was tampered with in the last film, but this time there were things that left a sour taste in my mouth.

Perhaps I was under the impression that Trek deserved a little more effort in the story of Into Darkness than it delivers.  I wanted to love the heck out of this movie and really looked forward to it.  And in the end I was really entertained, but the story needed more effort.  Something went slightly wrong with this one.

I'm not here to be caustic or a troll.  I'm not saying that this is any way a horrible movie.

I'm more than sure J. J. and the gang will be giving us more Trek in the future and I'm hoping that they move away from the miss steps in this one.

Not being an insanely huge Trekkie, I'd be really interested in what other people think of the film.  I don't usually ask for comments, but if you've seen the film, let me know if I'm being overly critical here.

Zangz out!

Dark Times Ahead?

We're well into the year of 2013 and things aren't going as swimmingly as one would hope.

The podcast that I blogged about in the last post is now defunct due to a sudden lack of technological accessibility as well as one of the talents calling it a day.  The winter here in the Northern Midwest will not let go of its chilling temperatures.  My bank account is taking a severe beating while I'm simply trying to survive while working a full time job.  Even though we have a progressive president in office, we still tend to get thrown over the coals by the very institutions that are supposed to assist those of us that actually want to work and make a decent living (I'm looking at you Banking, Health Care, Oil, Technology and Wall Street industries).

Last, but in certainly, no means least, I look in the general direction of the "fine folks" at Disney.  Those of us that are Star Wars fans took trust in you when you acquired the greatest franchise in all of fandom history.  We had an open mind that the Corporate D-Bag in you would not rear its ugly head when it was announced that J.J. Abrams would helm the next Star Wars film.

But, now we're not too sure about your intentions.  Within the last month, you've been making decisions that can be paralleled to the "hit" scenes from Goodfellas....

"Ka-Pop!" - Seth Green's Star Wars: Detours was completely shelved right after it was green-lit from Lucasfilm prior to Disney's purchase.  It would have been fun to see a Star Wars parody from the fine folks from Robot Chicken.  Now it's found dead in a pink car in an alley with a bullet hole to the head.

"Crush-Smack-Gerrrck!" - The heavily revered animated Clone Wars series is cancelled mid season during a crucial story-line involving one oft he main characters like it was just found, lifeless,  in a garbage truck.

"Thunk-Shunk-Brrrrrr" - Lucas Arts is shut down completely while 150 people find themselves without jobs.  One of the greatest video gaming companies is stuck on a hook in a meat freezer.

My original fears of the Disney takeover are starting to take root once again.  Disney has put itself in a position that is not beneficial to the Star Wars fans legions these last few months.

I get that they want to put all their efforts into the sequels, but unless they are equipped to bring out the Citizen Kane of all Sci-Fi / Fantasy films within the next three years, they have put the burden upon themselves to prove to us that they are sincere in their intentions for the quality of the Star Wars franchise, and not just after the almighty dollar.

We're all hoping that we're not going to be brought into a empty room with the very people we trusted putting a bullet to the back of our heads.

Only time will tell,  I guess.  But, in the meantime, the land of the almighty Princesses and the Mouse have a lot of explaining to do.

And, NO!  I don't feel like linking every frackin' reference this time. Google it!  I'm too frackin' grumpy.

Zangz.

Venturing into the podcasting world... again.

Out of the gate, I'd be quite remiss in not saying to you all....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Here's hoping that this year exceeds the happiness that you experienced last year!

On to it...

Several years ago I had my own podcast in conjunction with this blog that was called, Zangz's Pod of Geekdom.  Many of the old episodes can be found at iTunes, right HERE.

I had a lot of fun doing it and was lucky enough to know someone with the technical prowess to help me out and give me a place on the net.  If you listen through the episodes you'll notice that my podcast is a good example of how a podcast sounds in its infancy and grows to sound more professional.

Why did it come to an end?  I let my insecurities get the best of me.  I started out the first several shows with just myself on the mic, droning on about whatever topic I picked.  Although these were produced just fine, I cringed at hearing myself babble with my god awful, non-broadcast friendly voice.

I was able to con friends into coming on my show and have interviews and round table discussions about various geeky subjects.  I think that these shows were the Pod of Geekdom's pinnacle in entertainment (especially the Star Wars 30th Anniversary Shows).  It was at this point the producer of the show lent me his digital microphone so I could record shows on my own.

After a while, trying to get friends to come on the show proved futile since most of them had families to take care of and busy lives.  I really didn't want to carry on as a solo act since I sounded horrible when it was just me.  Also, trying the upload the show so my producer could edit it also proved a great  dilemma as technology hates me and bandwidth and internet issues plagued me.

Admittedly, I let the show fall to the wayside and it slowly died out.  Looking back, I cringe at letting that happen.  Now hundreds of thousands of geeky podcasts are all over the web.  Would mine still be relevant in this day in age where all a kid needs is some programs on his or her computer and a microphone?  Would it even compete with the podcasts that are out there today?  I don't know and will never find out.  My own fault!

Since then I have always had this pipe dream to get back into it in one capacity or another.  As luck would have it, my friend, Spanky (who was a guest on my show a few times) has created his own "media empire" through his side company Counterfeit Press LLC and has created his own pod cast.

I am one of the three guest hosts (made up of Spanky, Ken Benobie and myself, Zangz (AKA: Jedi John... but, I may try and see if I can change that to Jedi Johnny Boy.) of The Counterfeit Press Podcast.  It's brand spankin' new and we have posted our first show and just recorded our second.  We're still awaiting approval from iTunes and hope it will be there soon so that you will be able to check us out there.

In the meantime you can download us at the Counterfeit Press website RIGHT HERE.  It's the website that has the cool and cute robots on it.  Not as cool as the robots that will be in Pacific Rim or as cute as the T-1000 models portrayed by Shirley Manson and Summer Glau, but cool and cute just the same.

The show is based off of pop culture happenings, geeky interests, and Ken's unhealthy and unnatural love for Selina Gomez.  But don't let that distract you.  Download us and check us out, won't you please?

That's it for now kids.  Stay Vertical!

Zangz.