Movie reviews are like @$$%)ls, everyone has one!

Remember those geekified, genre movie reviews I've been promising for quite some time now. Well, get ready kiddo's. Here comes a poop-load of 'em.

Before I start I feel the need to relay the fact that I'm absolutely no movie critic by any stretch of the imagination. However, I am a fan of the geek genres (Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Action , Horror, Pulp, etc, etc.) and I like to fill my blog with thoughts and observations about movies I've seen.

Recently I saw a critique by a performer about all sorts of different kind of criticism and how it's gotten out of control with the advent of blogs and message boards and how anybody living in their mom and dad's basement can wax poetic on how much a movie rocked or sucked, giving the author a small sense of power that he or she doesn't have in their own pathetic life.

Now let me assure all of you, I don't live in my parent's basement.....at this time. And it doesn't give me sadistic pleasure to have to say that I did not enjoy a movie. I don't like to have to waste my time viewing something that should be better than it is. For me it's not about what "rocked or sucked". Here in my Blog of Geekdom it's simply about, "Here's what I think you should check out!" and "Here's what you might want to avoid". Simple as that.

With that being said, lets dig in.....

Southland Tales -A futuristic tale of a Los Angeles gone wrong with political corruption and doomsday looming, this movie tries very, very, very hard to be this generation's Dr. Strangelove. But, it falls slightly short as it does get a bit preachy and loses some of it's power by trying to be more politically biased than trying to tell a cool Sci-Fi story. I'm not a fan of how the Bush administration treated the nation a year or so after 9/11. But, I do know propaganda when I see it. And despite some very interesting performances from an odd all-star cast (The Rock, Sarah Michelle Geller, Justin Timberlake and a darn near unrecognizable Kevin Smith amongst others) it kind of turns into a bit of a mind blowing, slightly confusing mess. However, I do think that it should definitely be checked out, if for nothing else, just for the wackiness of it and the oddball cast. Not a complete disaster, but if you're an uber-right wing, Fox News lovin' person, you will not like the message.

Rambo - If you thought Stallone's first three adventures in the role of the Viet Nam veteran killing machine were big assed explosions and uber-violence, you haven't seen anything yet! Not only is this flick a non stop action packed, gore fest, it also brings light to the real life atrocities that are happening in Burma and actually justifies the horrific deaths that Rambo inflicts upon many of the bad guys. Instead of closing your eyes, you'll be cheering when Rambo blows the head off of some scumbag Tatmadaw. I have to admit, I was never a big Rambo fan, but this movie really satisfied the action fan in me as well as making a slight social commentary...with oodles of blood and explosions.

10,000 BC - This prehistoric adventure/fantasy tale has a plot that has been used a few times before. An ancient tribe gets attacked and captured by a superior and evil group. Those that are left behind are to give chase and save their loved ones. One "chosen one" rises up and defeats the evil empire. If you want to see far better versions of this story go check out Mel Gibson's Apocalypto or the viking tale, Pathfinder. Not a horrible movie, but pretty predictable.

The Last Winter - This odd, but interesting, paranormal thriller finds a group of oil seekers planted in a very remote area of the arctic. Soon they find themselves haunted by "Mother Nature" who brings her wrath in the form of cursed accidents and odd, moose-like apparitions. Ron Pearlman heads the cast as a blow hard, machismo leader who wants to dive head first into getting an oil rig built out in the frozen tundra. But his plans are thwarted when each member of his team end up either dead or going nuts. Though I loved Pearlman's performance in this flick, I found the movie a very average horror thriller. I was very interested in the mystery of what was going on at first, I sadly lost interest once it became less of a mystery and more of a environmental warning with little explanation of the "evil" force behind the destruction and madness. Pearlman fans can check it out, but otherwise, it becomes a bit of a yawner and downer by the end.

The Spirit - I so very much wanted to love this movie. It had everything going for it to win over my fan-boy sensibilities. It was written and directed by the genius comic book icon, Frank Miller! It was shot in the shot by panel comic-straight-to-film way that its iconic predecessors, 300 and Sin City, had been! It was strongly based on the original pulp vigilante detective comic strip by the late Will Eisner! And it had a very high babe factor (Scarlette Johansson, Sarah Paulson, Eva Mendes, Jamie King and Stana Katic). But, as visually impressive as this dark, pulp film noire movie is, it kind of turns into shambles as a little too much goofy humor is thrown into the mix. I didn't know if I was watching something cool ,dark and broody or silly, goofy and slapstick. I felt it was way too over the top to be taken seriously. Perhaps I was expecting another Sin City or perhaps I'm not very familiar with Will Eisner's Spirit to appreciate the movie. This movie tries to be too many things and dilutes itself into a scatterbrained mess. Is it a comedy? Is it making fun of the pulp of the '40's? I wasn't sure. In the end I found it very interesting and something all fan boys should check out, but not the knock out of the park "I've got to have this in my DVD collection" movie I wanted it to be. I think Fran Miller has many great ideas that are waiting to break out of him. I'm not totally convinced that this was one of them.

The Punisher: War Zone - Marvel Comic's gun toting vigilante finds his way to the big screen once again. This is his third outing, this time with Ray Stevenson in the lead role. Now Stevenson certainly looks the part with his straight out of the modern day Punsher comics looks and quite honestly gives a darn good performance as the psychotic Frank Castle. The opening scene where the Punisher crashes in on a private mafia diner party is worth the price of admission alone. I just wish the rest of the movie had that kind of momentum. Much like the Rambo movie I just bragged about, the first action sequence in War Zone is uber-cool and wildly violent! If you're a fan of the comic, you'll love this scene. It's the rest of movie that I found a little disappointing. Mostly in the fact that they touted this as comic writer, Garth Ennis' vision of The Punisher. Well, if that was the fact, they should have had Garth Ennis write the script. It struggles to reach that Garth Ennis type of pulp action and characterization that he can create so wonderfully. Rumor has it that director, Lexi Alexander, had a far better version of this movie in mind that was befuddled by movie execs. Another issue I had was that the villain, Jigsaw, was a little too over the top. It hearkened back to Tommy Lee Jones' version of Two Face, and no one wants that. I do have to admit that if I can find this as a used DVD for cheap, I may just have to pick it up if for nothing else, just that opening scene.

Highlander: The Source - This movie is made strictly for the hardcore fans of the whole Highlander mythos and few else. I was a HUGE fan of the first Highlander movie that was made in the early '80's. The idea of sword wielding immortals in modern day times dueling it out for supremacy was pretty friggin' cool. Add the hard edged music of Queen into the mix and you had cult fandom gold! But after 4 films and a TV series, you gotta wonder if this franchise has run its course. After viewing The Source I have to sort of hope it has. Sure, the Highlander fan boy/girl will really get into this movie. Yet the casual fan-boy/girl will not. Taking place in a futuristic war ridden world (at least that's what I took it to be since it never really revealed) the Highlander from the TV series, Duncan McCloud, joins a band of his immortal co-horts in vanquishing the evil, sometimes creepy/sometimes just plain goofy "Guardian" and finding The Source, a generic power.... thingy-something-thing-a-ma-bob-thingy. Actually, I have no clue as to what the hell it is. In short, this movie takes everything that has become cliche from the Highlander series of movies, books and TV series and has spat it all back out in a film with little purpose. Instead of viewing this schlock, go back and watch the original Highlander film with Lambert and Connery. Even though it has severe visual effect limitations compared to The Source, its storytelling far outweighs The Source by leaps and bounds.

The Forbidden Kingdom - Not exactly an original idea here, I did find this Wizard of Oz meets Feudal Kung Fu fantasy flick a very fun little diversion. A young adult boy who's living in the tough streets of modern day South Boston finds himself transported to a fantasy version of Feudal Japan where he is trained for battle amongst the likes of Jackie Chan and Jet Li. The young man is the possessor of a magic staff that an evil war lord and the war lord's henchmen (and woman) are after. A very simple plot it is. However if I were a young 12 year old Kung Fu fan, I would love for my mom and dad to have taken me to see this in the theater. Sure there's a little violence and ever so slight bloodshed in the movie, but it totally plays upon the younger crowd. I would actually say that this could be a real fun family action/fantasy movie... that is if the parent's are a little tolerant of a little violence.

Angels and Demons - If you're a fan of the thriller books that feature Dan Brown's symbyologist and quasi-detective, Robert Langdon, you'll probably appreciate this film. The question is, will people who are not familiar with Brown's mystery thrillers enjoy the flick? In fact they may enjoy it slightly more. Since being a fan of the book, I had a pretty good idea of what was going to go down throughout the film. So a slight edge was taken off for me. Had I not read the book, it may have been a bit more edge of your seat fun for me. In any case, the subject matter is quite riveting. How does an ancient organization of alchemists known as The Illuminati infiltrate and threaten the modern day Vatican? That's the mystery that Tom Hanks' Langdon has to find out in a mere matter of hours before a catastrophe threatens to destroy the Vatican and a good portion of the public which have surrounded the holy place to usher in the voting of a new pope. Of course ancient puzzles help Langdon follow a path that will lead him to the main answer. Though, I enjoyed the film, I'm not sure that it be something that I could watch over and over again. It's a good thriller, but like most thrillers, once you've seen it, that's about all there is. It's something to take mom to and enjoy it for what it's worth. But that's about it.

And, no, I don't feel anymore power hungary or more improtant now that I've somewhat sqewered a few flicks.


Ok, let me end on a couple of notes here....

First of all, do you realize that this past week marked the 10th anniversary of Star Wars, Ep I: The Phantom Menace being released! Not the most popular SW movie, agreed. But it blows my mind that it has already been 10 years since we all stood in line and got our first spoonful of Star Wars geek lovin' big screen film extravaganza in over 16 years prior. Time flies.

Also, take time this weekend to honor those that have served in the millitary and given their lives for our freedom and our country throughout history. It shouldn't matter how you lean politically. You need to cherish the fact that you are allowed to have the political beliefs you do in part to the men and women who payed the ultimate sacrifice so we can have our freedoms.

Enjoy the three day weekend! I'm cigar bound!

Zangz.