Gaze Upon The Oddity That is... THE CULLITAR!

Ummmmm...... yep. I don't quite have the words for this either. This could be so many levels of wrongness that you couldn't even concieve. But, it could also be a grand homage to a new fandom that is growing and still taking shape

So here's how I understand it all came to be. A couple of blogs ago I posted about my sister, Dizzy Lizzy, being a pretty huge Twilight fan. I myself, am not swept up into all the hoopla surrounding this vampire romance novel and movie series aimed solely at gothy tweener girls. But, my sister's best friend, Holly, really takes fandom to whole new levels. Evidently she's pretty over the top when it comes to young vampire Edward Cullen. She also happens to be a huge player of the interactive video game Guitar Hero. She had a graphic designer friend of hers get creative and put together this brooding piece of pop culture magic.....or monstrosity. Whichever way you lean on the whole Twilight phenomenon. She has named it The Cullitar!

Apparently, this picture is making it's rounds amongst the Twilight legions on the Internet and message boards. Like this one here.

Not long ago my sister had me view the movie based on the book, Twilight. And I was surprised at how it wasn't nearly as horrible as I thought it would be. After all, way back in the day when I first started gaming with my good GM, Mad Mario, it was Vampire: The Masquerade we played. That RPG seemed to have a very good grasp on vampire lore, taking a bit from Bram Stoker to Anne Rice. I'm not fully sure that if the game were to be completely revamped they would allow a lot of the sometimes silly Stephenie Meyer's version of vampire mythos into the pantheon of vampiric history, facts and traits (as god is my witness, vampires DO NOT simply twinkle when exposed to sunlight. They BURN THE FRACK UP like screaming beeotches!).

I had to see what all the hub-bub was about. I watched the film and found it ... simply ok. The performances were all pretty darn good. The story was typical romantic dren. Though, it was nothing to write home about (no all out vampire gore or real spooky atmosphere that a real good vampire flick/story should have) it wasn't a complete loss for me. After all, how would one complain if a vampire looking like Rachell Lefevre, Nikki Reed or Ashley Greene would latch on to you and suck the life outta ya? A good way to go out, huh? Ok, enough with the creepy old man syndrome.

I guess everybody has to find their fandom. I'm glad that my sister and her Guitar Hero playin', Edward Cullin lovin' friend, Holly, have found theirs.

Have a good weekend and enjoy a well deserved brew or two on me.

Zangz.

Oh, on a personal notation to Mrs. Meyer.... vampires don't produce bodily fliuds since they are undead. No boogers, no poop, no whizz, no spit, no vomit and.... none of the baby makin' stuff! So there's no way Edward would be able to impregnate Bella in the last of the books and upcoming movies. Read up on your vampire lore, would ya honey!

Movie reviews are like @$$%)ls, everyone has one!

Remember those geekified, genre movie reviews I've been promising for quite some time now. Well, get ready kiddo's. Here comes a poop-load of 'em.

Before I start I feel the need to relay the fact that I'm absolutely no movie critic by any stretch of the imagination. However, I am a fan of the geek genres (Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Action , Horror, Pulp, etc, etc.) and I like to fill my blog with thoughts and observations about movies I've seen.

Recently I saw a critique by a performer about all sorts of different kind of criticism and how it's gotten out of control with the advent of blogs and message boards and how anybody living in their mom and dad's basement can wax poetic on how much a movie rocked or sucked, giving the author a small sense of power that he or she doesn't have in their own pathetic life.

Now let me assure all of you, I don't live in my parent's basement.....at this time. And it doesn't give me sadistic pleasure to have to say that I did not enjoy a movie. I don't like to have to waste my time viewing something that should be better than it is. For me it's not about what "rocked or sucked". Here in my Blog of Geekdom it's simply about, "Here's what I think you should check out!" and "Here's what you might want to avoid". Simple as that.

With that being said, lets dig in.....

Southland Tales -A futuristic tale of a Los Angeles gone wrong with political corruption and doomsday looming, this movie tries very, very, very hard to be this generation's Dr. Strangelove. But, it falls slightly short as it does get a bit preachy and loses some of it's power by trying to be more politically biased than trying to tell a cool Sci-Fi story. I'm not a fan of how the Bush administration treated the nation a year or so after 9/11. But, I do know propaganda when I see it. And despite some very interesting performances from an odd all-star cast (The Rock, Sarah Michelle Geller, Justin Timberlake and a darn near unrecognizable Kevin Smith amongst others) it kind of turns into a bit of a mind blowing, slightly confusing mess. However, I do think that it should definitely be checked out, if for nothing else, just for the wackiness of it and the oddball cast. Not a complete disaster, but if you're an uber-right wing, Fox News lovin' person, you will not like the message.

Rambo - If you thought Stallone's first three adventures in the role of the Viet Nam veteran killing machine were big assed explosions and uber-violence, you haven't seen anything yet! Not only is this flick a non stop action packed, gore fest, it also brings light to the real life atrocities that are happening in Burma and actually justifies the horrific deaths that Rambo inflicts upon many of the bad guys. Instead of closing your eyes, you'll be cheering when Rambo blows the head off of some scumbag Tatmadaw. I have to admit, I was never a big Rambo fan, but this movie really satisfied the action fan in me as well as making a slight social commentary...with oodles of blood and explosions.

10,000 BC - This prehistoric adventure/fantasy tale has a plot that has been used a few times before. An ancient tribe gets attacked and captured by a superior and evil group. Those that are left behind are to give chase and save their loved ones. One "chosen one" rises up and defeats the evil empire. If you want to see far better versions of this story go check out Mel Gibson's Apocalypto or the viking tale, Pathfinder. Not a horrible movie, but pretty predictable.

The Last Winter - This odd, but interesting, paranormal thriller finds a group of oil seekers planted in a very remote area of the arctic. Soon they find themselves haunted by "Mother Nature" who brings her wrath in the form of cursed accidents and odd, moose-like apparitions. Ron Pearlman heads the cast as a blow hard, machismo leader who wants to dive head first into getting an oil rig built out in the frozen tundra. But his plans are thwarted when each member of his team end up either dead or going nuts. Though I loved Pearlman's performance in this flick, I found the movie a very average horror thriller. I was very interested in the mystery of what was going on at first, I sadly lost interest once it became less of a mystery and more of a environmental warning with little explanation of the "evil" force behind the destruction and madness. Pearlman fans can check it out, but otherwise, it becomes a bit of a yawner and downer by the end.

The Spirit - I so very much wanted to love this movie. It had everything going for it to win over my fan-boy sensibilities. It was written and directed by the genius comic book icon, Frank Miller! It was shot in the shot by panel comic-straight-to-film way that its iconic predecessors, 300 and Sin City, had been! It was strongly based on the original pulp vigilante detective comic strip by the late Will Eisner! And it had a very high babe factor (Scarlette Johansson, Sarah Paulson, Eva Mendes, Jamie King and Stana Katic). But, as visually impressive as this dark, pulp film noire movie is, it kind of turns into shambles as a little too much goofy humor is thrown into the mix. I didn't know if I was watching something cool ,dark and broody or silly, goofy and slapstick. I felt it was way too over the top to be taken seriously. Perhaps I was expecting another Sin City or perhaps I'm not very familiar with Will Eisner's Spirit to appreciate the movie. This movie tries to be too many things and dilutes itself into a scatterbrained mess. Is it a comedy? Is it making fun of the pulp of the '40's? I wasn't sure. In the end I found it very interesting and something all fan boys should check out, but not the knock out of the park "I've got to have this in my DVD collection" movie I wanted it to be. I think Fran Miller has many great ideas that are waiting to break out of him. I'm not totally convinced that this was one of them.

The Punisher: War Zone - Marvel Comic's gun toting vigilante finds his way to the big screen once again. This is his third outing, this time with Ray Stevenson in the lead role. Now Stevenson certainly looks the part with his straight out of the modern day Punsher comics looks and quite honestly gives a darn good performance as the psychotic Frank Castle. The opening scene where the Punisher crashes in on a private mafia diner party is worth the price of admission alone. I just wish the rest of the movie had that kind of momentum. Much like the Rambo movie I just bragged about, the first action sequence in War Zone is uber-cool and wildly violent! If you're a fan of the comic, you'll love this scene. It's the rest of movie that I found a little disappointing. Mostly in the fact that they touted this as comic writer, Garth Ennis' vision of The Punisher. Well, if that was the fact, they should have had Garth Ennis write the script. It struggles to reach that Garth Ennis type of pulp action and characterization that he can create so wonderfully. Rumor has it that director, Lexi Alexander, had a far better version of this movie in mind that was befuddled by movie execs. Another issue I had was that the villain, Jigsaw, was a little too over the top. It hearkened back to Tommy Lee Jones' version of Two Face, and no one wants that. I do have to admit that if I can find this as a used DVD for cheap, I may just have to pick it up if for nothing else, just that opening scene.

Highlander: The Source - This movie is made strictly for the hardcore fans of the whole Highlander mythos and few else. I was a HUGE fan of the first Highlander movie that was made in the early '80's. The idea of sword wielding immortals in modern day times dueling it out for supremacy was pretty friggin' cool. Add the hard edged music of Queen into the mix and you had cult fandom gold! But after 4 films and a TV series, you gotta wonder if this franchise has run its course. After viewing The Source I have to sort of hope it has. Sure, the Highlander fan boy/girl will really get into this movie. Yet the casual fan-boy/girl will not. Taking place in a futuristic war ridden world (at least that's what I took it to be since it never really revealed) the Highlander from the TV series, Duncan McCloud, joins a band of his immortal co-horts in vanquishing the evil, sometimes creepy/sometimes just plain goofy "Guardian" and finding The Source, a generic power.... thingy-something-thing-a-ma-bob-thingy. Actually, I have no clue as to what the hell it is. In short, this movie takes everything that has become cliche from the Highlander series of movies, books and TV series and has spat it all back out in a film with little purpose. Instead of viewing this schlock, go back and watch the original Highlander film with Lambert and Connery. Even though it has severe visual effect limitations compared to The Source, its storytelling far outweighs The Source by leaps and bounds.

The Forbidden Kingdom - Not exactly an original idea here, I did find this Wizard of Oz meets Feudal Kung Fu fantasy flick a very fun little diversion. A young adult boy who's living in the tough streets of modern day South Boston finds himself transported to a fantasy version of Feudal Japan where he is trained for battle amongst the likes of Jackie Chan and Jet Li. The young man is the possessor of a magic staff that an evil war lord and the war lord's henchmen (and woman) are after. A very simple plot it is. However if I were a young 12 year old Kung Fu fan, I would love for my mom and dad to have taken me to see this in the theater. Sure there's a little violence and ever so slight bloodshed in the movie, but it totally plays upon the younger crowd. I would actually say that this could be a real fun family action/fantasy movie... that is if the parent's are a little tolerant of a little violence.

Angels and Demons - If you're a fan of the thriller books that feature Dan Brown's symbyologist and quasi-detective, Robert Langdon, you'll probably appreciate this film. The question is, will people who are not familiar with Brown's mystery thrillers enjoy the flick? In fact they may enjoy it slightly more. Since being a fan of the book, I had a pretty good idea of what was going to go down throughout the film. So a slight edge was taken off for me. Had I not read the book, it may have been a bit more edge of your seat fun for me. In any case, the subject matter is quite riveting. How does an ancient organization of alchemists known as The Illuminati infiltrate and threaten the modern day Vatican? That's the mystery that Tom Hanks' Langdon has to find out in a mere matter of hours before a catastrophe threatens to destroy the Vatican and a good portion of the public which have surrounded the holy place to usher in the voting of a new pope. Of course ancient puzzles help Langdon follow a path that will lead him to the main answer. Though, I enjoyed the film, I'm not sure that it be something that I could watch over and over again. It's a good thriller, but like most thrillers, once you've seen it, that's about all there is. It's something to take mom to and enjoy it for what it's worth. But that's about it.

And, no, I don't feel anymore power hungary or more improtant now that I've somewhat sqewered a few flicks.


Ok, let me end on a couple of notes here....

First of all, do you realize that this past week marked the 10th anniversary of Star Wars, Ep I: The Phantom Menace being released! Not the most popular SW movie, agreed. But it blows my mind that it has already been 10 years since we all stood in line and got our first spoonful of Star Wars geek lovin' big screen film extravaganza in over 16 years prior. Time flies.

Also, take time this weekend to honor those that have served in the millitary and given their lives for our freedom and our country throughout history. It shouldn't matter how you lean politically. You need to cherish the fact that you are allowed to have the political beliefs you do in part to the men and women who payed the ultimate sacrifice so we can have our freedoms.

Enjoy the three day weekend! I'm cigar bound!

Zangz.

My sister has just joined the ranks of Geekdom!

So, if you did not catch my review of Star Trek from earlier this week, you can either scroll below or click HERE for it. Again, I give it 3 thumbs up. My third thumb grows in a funny place and I don't talk about it that much. So let's rapidly move on!


Currently, I am a very proud big brother.

Throughout the years my little sister, Dizzy Lizzy, has always had a hard time understanding my fond love of the genres of the fantastical. She's lived a far more straight laced life with only slight glimmers of any interest in something a bit counter culturally special. She's married and has a decent job that gives here some pretty heavy responsibility at times.

When it came to any interests, there was a passing fancy of The Lord of the Rings trilogy of movies. So I got her the books for X-Mas one year, she only read through Fellowship and let the others collect dust. She seems to pretend to have an interest in the Harry Potter films, but I'm not fully convinced. She shows mild interest in the TV series LOST and will occasionally say something to the effect, "What did you think of the last episode?" Once I start expounding on it, I usually get cut off by my Mom butting into the conversation about something completely different. I try not to blame Mom since she's usually got one or two martini's in her at that time.

My sister never really got it when I'd be excited about going to GenCon (when it was in Milwaukee, not the cheap imitation they have in Indiana now) or about the opening of a Star Wars movie. She was oblivious to the joy my geeky heart felt.

Well, suddenly along comes something she can finally sink her teeth into (pun, quite lame, but still intended) when a bunch of books and films start coming out featuring a brooding young high school vampire named Edward and his betrothed equally brooding and confused love interest, Bella.

I have to admit, when I first heard about this new phenomenon known as Twilight, I was slightly repulsed. I had a good feeling it was overglorified, cheap tweener romance crap for the young females. I was turned off immediately. When the movie opened and became a huge hit garnering it an immense following, I tried hard to pay no attention.

But, somehow, my sister and some of her friends, got immersed in it. My guess is that they have some serious crushes on actor, Robert Pattinson. But that's just a theory.

In any case, my sister has found new and creative ways to celebrate her love for the Twilight series. She attended the DVD release party at midnight at some Borders store and that same day she threw a Twilight themed diner party. She's really lost into this whole phenomenon.

Well, now she's dragged me and her husband, my Bro-In-Law (aka: cigar partner in crime), into the whole frey.

This all came about as I suddenly got a call on our way home from Minneapolis (Roberto, Iris and I visited some friends there last weekend where we gamed, playing Champions of the Emerald Empire). We stopped in Madison to get some Chinese food and that's when I get the call on my cell. My sister informs me that I'm invited to take a road trip in late July with her and my Bo-In-Law down to Houston to visit my dad.

Imeadiatly I'm a bit suspicious as my sister and dad do love each other, but are like vinegar and water when they start talking about certain subjects. Then the truth comes out. She reveals that after we visit Houston and Austin, my Bro-In-Law and I will drive her to Dallas so she and her friend can attend..... TwiCon! Of course we'll head on home while they party it up at the convention.

Now, I could be an elitist geek about it all and point out that vampires actually burn up in the sun and not" thsparkle" (Yes, I spelled it that way on purpose). I could also point out that there were never any actual FANGS or blood sucking or sirring done in the movie. I didn't even tell my sister that the creator of this whole craziness, Stephanie Meyer, needs to be sat down at a gaming table and play several hours of Vampire: The Masquerade to understand how vampire mythology really works. Nope, I didn't.

Know why?

Because I saw this as a new way my sister could actually GET HER GEEK ON!

It's about time she got into something full throttle enough to want to travel cross-country with her brother and husband to find enjoyment in something fantastical.

Now she will understand my love for the genres. Next time she rolls her eyes at some mention of a video game I'm playing or a Sci-Fi movie I'm going to see, she may ease off and thinks before she passes judgement

I may agree to go if there are a couple of stipulations.

1) Dizzy Lizzy gets me the autograph of one of cute actresses from the film. The dirty old man in me is just waiting to break out!

2) Dizzy Lizzy doesn't complain once about feeling car sick/uncomfortable/irritated the WHOLE trip!

3) Myself, my Bro-In-Law and my dad partake in some serious cigar smoking!

I'm hoping this will help us bond! It should be all very interesting and I'll let you all know how it plays out.

In other news....

I finished off the fantasy game Fable II on the good ol' Xbox 360. Those familiar with the first Fable game will know that there was a lot of criticism around it as it was heralded as a huge, epic, RPG that encompassed the entire life of your main character, from childhood to old age. Unfortunately it didn't take that long to play and compared to other huge RPGs out there, there wasn't a lot of areas to discover and travel around in.

The producers of Fable II try hard to correct this with mixed results. Sure, the world is far more lush and much larger, and there's a heck of a lot more quests to go on. But, like the first one, after you've discovered all of the world and played through the main quest, there's not a lot more to be offered.

It took me a while to get into the game, but once I was, I was quite hooked. But, then I completed everything I could, there wasn't much else. And I was quite disappointed in the "final confrontation" with the main villain. There's no challenge. All you have to do is push one button when prompted and that's the end of him. Kind of a waste after you went through all this character build up only to push one button to defeat your main nemesis.

What does Fable II do right? The whole atmosphere is quite beautiful in a Disneyesque way. And again there's far more to do and explore than there was in the first game. I have to admit that it did get quite addictive once your character gets built up enough to get rolling. But, once you get through the game, there's little more to do. There's still more to do after the main battle of this game as compared to its predecessor, but still a bit lacking.

Look. After they've come out with RPG games like Morrowind, Oblivion and Fallout 3, you really need to step up to the plate if you truely want to be an EPIC RPG VIDEO GAME!

Fable II is indeed a great game, but if it wants to compete with the big boys, it should have been even bigger. It's a lot to ask for, but if competing with the rest, it needs to get cooking.

A great RPG game, but lacking when brought up against its competitors.


That's going to be it for this weekend. Please go out and have a cigar on me. And Happy Frackin' Danny Gokey Day! I can hear the press helicopters fly overhead as his little, "I'm in the top three" parade trots around the downtown area.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em!

Zangz.

The Rebirth of Star Trek.....

...But, only if the hard core Trekkie geeks are smart enough to embrace it!

I was very lucky enough in the fact that my "very good buddy", Spanky was more than kind enough to pick up a few tix for an advanced screening of J.J. Abrams' reboot to the Star Trek movie franchise last night.

The night started with us gorging out on huge gyros at the local Greek restaurant that was not too far from the classic movie theater the preview was shown at. The same one that I met Bruce Campbell at a few years back.

We walked over to the theater and got in a small line of about 10 people. After all, it was only an hour and ten minutes before we would be let into the theater. The line got pretty heavy with in the next 45 minutes. Apparently only 500 free preview tix were handed out for the special showing and many Trekkie's who got their hands on these magical tix showed up.

I was quite a bit disappointed that I didn't see anyone dressed in Federation uniforms or any Klingon's roaming about. I guess that will be for the official opening this weekend. We did meet up with our mutual geek bud, Coreboy and some of his entourage.

It took a while for the "security" (a couple of old dudes and one guy who was way too overweight to chase anybody down) to get their act together and let people into the theater. Once all was under control ('cause, God knows, Trekkie's can be one dangerous bunch of S.O.B's) they let us in, telling us to turn off our cell phones.

Once we found our seats we had to wait some more as local promoters had to organize their little shtick before the movie. Their little Schick was trying to shout over the crowd and name all of the sponsors who helped bring this special preview showing together. The sad thing is that most of us couldn't hear a frellin' thing they said.

Once they were done and out of the way the lights went down and they went right into the movie. There may be some spoilers here folks read on at your own risk, I'll try to black out the spoilers but, I'm not promising anything (highlight to read spoilers). Then the magic started!

First and foremost, this is a really fun Sci-Fi action and adventure movie. Forget that this is Star Trek for a minute. There are some really cool action sequences thrown into this thing that we've never seen in the entirety of the Star Trek motion picture series. There are some cool battleship sequences that doen't involve star ships moving as slow as molasses as we've seen in Wrath of Khan or any of the other Star Trek vehicles in media. The ship battles in this movie are balls out fast paced! There are shoot outs, fist fights and chase scenes that might be new to the the long lasting Star Trek fan. Trust me. This is a good thing.

Now let's get into why this movie truly rocks! Much like the movie Watchmen, the actors really, really care about the core material and those that were before them. It really shows. Zachary Quinto, Karl Urban, Zoe Saldana, Simon Pegg, John Cho, Anton Yeclhon and Bruce Geenwood all not only recreate the original Star Trek characters, they pay major homage to them. They really capture their essence and fully deliver without becoming an imitation or parody.

The main villian in this film is not overplayed as in past Trek vehicles. He's a real person with a bit of a legitimate gripe.

There's also a lot of humor in the film that is born from a lot of what we know form the series. Good references!

I have to admit that I was really trepitatious on the casting of Chris Pine as a young Captain James Tiberious Kirk. It seemed that Hollywood decided to cast what more looked like a J. Crew model rather than an actor. But, Chris Pine nailed it out of the park! He got the whole essence of Capt. Kirk without being a cheap imitation. He plays the cockiness and bravado of Kirk excellently. Never once does he become a goofy copy of the original. He gives it life with his own twist on it. I hope Paramount has locked him in to a few sequels!

And Quinto does a great young Spock. Nothing a lot of Heroes fan wouldn't have told you beforehand.

Lets face it, after the last few Star Trek movies, the franchise had died. They were shatting out what were basically made for TV movies of Next Generation. It became a joke and a dead genre.

When J.J. Abrams picked up the torch he really ran for it. Not only has he rekindled the spark, he reignited a whole forest fire. Let that forest burn the frack down, Madre Frellers!

Yes, J.J. does frack with the Star Trek mythose. But, at least he gives an honest explanation of it - highlight to read - (time travel story involving the original Spock), unlike the reboot of the James Bond series which tells fans to forget everything that has happened before, this reboot doesn't do that. J.J. had the respect to give Trekkie's a chance to view this reboot in the original pantheon of stories. He doesn't erase everything that's come before. He gives credit that it happened, but also gives an alternate reality within the historic reality to accept. The question is will fans accept it, or be an elitist bunch of turds to get all cheesed off and offended and dislike it.

Let's face facts. The Star Trek franchise was dying a very slow and painful death. If it weren't for this movie it would have been another 25 years before we saw any original Star Trek media, especially on the big screen!

This is the best thing to happen to this franchise in a long, long time. And if hard core Trekkie's don't have the brains to see what a blessing it is, they will threaten to destroy their very own kingdom. They need to let go of everything they know from the shows and novels and accept the grand gift that is being given to them.

J.J. and the screenwriters went well out of their way to keep the Star Trek story flowing without forgetting everything that has happened since. There is some really clever writing here. Trekkie's need to embrace it rather than be offended.

There are some issues that frack with the original continuity of the series and films, but it's for the good of the whole. There was even one issue that I (a non-Trekkie) had issues with. (Spock and Uhura hook up). I didn't like it. But, I was able to put it aside and accept it. They also really frack up a bit of the Federation and it's planets. (Romulus and Vulcan are destroyed). Though, I'm not convinced that this is a good thing when it comes to die-hard Trekkie's and their feelings, I accept it as I was entertained like I haven't been from a movie in a long, long time. And that's what the Star Trek movies needed!

Spanky is a die hard Trekkie and he loved it to no end. But, when I talked to other Trekkie's as I was leaving the theater, they weren't as enthusiastic. Perhaps they were offended by some of the lush changes that were presented in the movie from the mythos they were used to.

To that I say, grow up! Move out of your parents' basements and accept the love and warmth that is the new Star Trek. It is the only way your kind will survive and I've always believed that you should never look a wonderful gift horse in the mouth!

I say take your family and friends to go see it. It's a hell of a lot of fun. Kudos to the cast, crew and writers for giving Star Trek a good chance to survive.

Embrace it or fall. This is a very entertaining genre film, Trekkie or not!

Live long and prosper..... cliche, but who gives a FRACK:?

Zangz's!